The Future

As most of you already know, Danny and I have been agonizing on how to spend the next threeish years of our life.  He is going back to school and it will most likely take him three years to complete the Master's program at UW- three years of late nights, cramming for exams, and endless homework.  You also all know that I quit my job back in May and have been very contentedly playing the roll of homeaker ever since.  But there is no question that while being at home is very satisfying to me, I'm going to need more than cooking and cleaning to keep me occupied while Danny is busy with school.  For a while I considered going back to finish my AA, which I came close to finishing before getting married.  But the truth is, while I want to have a degree to my name, I have no interest in any of the classes I have left to take, and I'm not sure the AA degree would ever do anything for me anyway.

So I've been looking into plan B, which is a little more fun.  This plan involves me working towards some kind of program in Creative Writing, and hopefully obtaining some kind of certificate for doing so.  I don't want to do anything that would take too long or cost very much- but if possible I'm hoping to find somewhere that I could attend, preferably on-line, that would have the kind of credentials to stretch and grow me as a writer.  At first I was doubtful that such an oporotunity existed, but I'm learning that there are options out there.  I am very excited and also intimidated- I know that if I dedicate myself to this plan and allow my husband's hard-earned money to pay for it, I can't squander this opportunity.  It's time to get serious about writing.

This is not an easy decision to make, because it is rather make-it or break-it.  I have been writing a lot lately, and maybe some day I'll have a completed manuscript that I could actually send off to a publisher.  Maybe they'll like it, maybe they won't.  I know a lot of people who would be quick to point out that it's almost impossible to make any money in this field and I probably won't be able to support myself with this degree if anything ever happens to my husband.  Maybe that's true- but the thing is, I don't stay comited to very many things for any length of time.  My desire to write, and write novels specifically, has been growing rather than shrinking since I was probably ten or twelve years old.  While I know God can make me happy in a life without writing, I also know that He has given me some element of talent here and with some refining, maybe I could use these skills for His glory.

I'm trying to be realistic about what this really means.  I know that no class or degree is going to automatically launch me from an amateur into a professional, and in the end of the day it's just going to take hard work and endless practice.  For another thing, I'm learning that I can't let this hobby/interest define me.  Even if I end up having six babies and never having time to write another word, that's okay.  My identiy lies in Christ, and however He chooses to use me is fine with me.  Also, I've come to tearms with the fact that eventually people are going to have to read what I've writen, and they might not like it.  I can't make everybody happy, even among my closest friends and family.  And last but not least, I'm never going to write a New York Times Bestseller- because the things I am most passionate about are not the things people of this world want to read about.  Because of this, I've been learning to write for the love of it, not for any other reason.

By the way I've also been super inspired by my sister, who just self-published her second novel at the age of 15.  If she can do it, I can do it, right?  Ha, not a good assumption to make, but it's still inspiring!

So those are my plans for now.  It is in a sense the cliche leap of faith.  We'll see how God works and hopefully, this will not be a waste in the end!

Imagine that...

I recently read somewhere that it's really important to do something that you love every day, even if it's just for fifteen minutes.  And I thought- fifteen minutes.  I can do that, right?  The problem is deciding on what you love and locking into it, and learning to do it without hemming and hawing and hating whatever words end up on the page (in the random example that what you "love" is writing).  In the olden days when I used to journal and blog for pages and pages without stopping long enough to streach my fingers, I used to write a lot better than I do now, when I'm constantly pausing to edit and re-think and mostly delete everything and start over.  So here I am writing, as fast as I can, not worrying about what words roll off the ends of my fingers or wondering if they make any sense.

No- I won't even re-read what I've written.  I'm reading a book right now called Imagine- you may have seen it prominently displayed at Barns and Nobles lately.  I latched onto it because it has the prettiest cover you can imagine- seriously, as soon as I got it home (my husband surprised me by ordering it on Amazon- love him!) I cut it up and hung it on a collase above my desk.  But then I opened it and started reading and it is actually a really cool science book about the creative faculties of human beings.  Aside from a slight evolutionary slant, it seems to be very grounded in facts and very insightful.  The imagination is one of the hardest things for scientists to understand, but of course like everything else they are getting closer all the time.  So far they know that moments of inspiration usually come when you're least expecting them, such as in the shower or right after you wake up, and when you're very relaxed- not posed with fingers clenched over the keyboard trying desperately to be brilliant.  I suppose that's a no-brainer.

More surprising, however, is the truth that you often are more creative when you're distracted- such as at work or in a busy coffee shop where you THINK you can't think.  The truth is, when your brain is trying to generate new ideas, it needs to be fed random snippets of information such as sights, smell and sounds to keep it from becoming stagnant.  Also, the strain of having to work with some constraints (such as form, metere, rules, assignment restrictions, etc) actually produces far more creative output than the very popular idea of letting your brain go completely and spewing out whatever random thing comes to mind.

So as it turns out, our God of order created our minds to work best in the realm of order.  How cool is that?

Update

I know it's been forever since I posted and I don't really have readers anymore, but once my life slows down a little it is one of my desires to start weekly updates here about my (scratch that) OUR life to help keep in touch with all of you and keep records for furutre scrapbooking/journaling endevors.  In the mean time, here's a little bit of what we've been up to so far this year:

JANUARY

We had the honor of attending Jessica and Peter Schmitt's wedding in January.  Jessica is an old co-op friend of mine and our weddings had many similarities.  It was Danny's and my first wedding as newly weds, and by far the most enjoyable one we'd ever attended, because it brought back so many good memories! This picture came from a photo booth they had set up for the guests, which was a genious idea.

FEBRUARY

The day before Valentines day, we went skiing with several church friends and family.  It was my third time going and I think I finally got the hang of it.  We rode the slopes until they shut them down late that night, and finally crawled into bed at 2:00AM!  Needless to say we were okay with staying home and taking naps on Valentines day. 

ALSO...

I had the prividge of helping Mom Villa host a baby shower for Christina.  It's so weird how grown up we all are now!!

MARCH

We went to Florida!  Danny's family usually spends a month there every year, and we were privildeged to join them at the condo they were renting for ten whole days.  We had a great time soaking in the sun by the pool every morning and eating out at the world's most AMAZING resturants pretty much every evening.  (Such a drain on the budget, but worth it!)  I've never been anywhere like Florida before and it was quite an experience.  We also went to Arizon the weekend before, but I don't have any pictures of that so I'll have to post those later.

And last but not least...

Abigail Rose Pederson was born on March 23rd!!  The Pederson's are some of our closest friends and relatives.  We were in Florida at the time and couldn't wait to come home and meet her.  We went over to the Pederson's on the 27th and couldn't believe how tiny and adorable she is.  She actually looks a little bit like Danny according to some of the relatives.  I can't wait to watch this little girl grow up.

So that's a little peak into our year.  Tune in next time for more detailed updates on Florida and Arizona! 

It is exactly, at this moment, 1 hour and thirty-three minutes until the weekend.  I thought I was going to have to work tomorrow, but I just found out that I actually don't.  This knowledge has brought the sun bursting through my very rain-clouded mind, which opens up today to ENDLESS possibilities- such as caffine after 4 oclock or back-to-back movies.  I may even make smoothies with BOTH fruits and veggies in them- who knows.  All I can say is, I am very much looking forward to this long work week comming to an end.

And just to make the fairy tale complete, I see real daytime starlight streaming through the wherehouse doors. 

ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND EVERYONE!!!

Writers Block

As you can probably guess from the title, I am just now in the middle of a TERRIBLE bout of writers block over the Sci Fi story I'm helping to write.  It's funny, because I've always wanted to be a splendiforous writer, but every time I start to get really into writing again and think that maybe, just maybe, I might make it, then something comes along and challenges the whole way I think about writing, and suddenly I realize how cliche or unoriginal or immature or boring or flamboyant or dry or whatever my writing is.  And then it's discouraging to even face a blank piece of paper.  


As Winston Churchill once said, "Writing a book is an adventure. To begin with, it is a toy and an amusement; then it becomes a mistress, and then it becomes a master, and then a tyrant. The last phase is that just as you are about to be reconciled to your servitude, you kill the monster, and fling him out to the public."


I like to think of myself as a brave warrior princess of a bygone age, going out clad in shinning armor with hair flowing in the wind to slay the beast of my own insufferable writers block.  But instead I find myself here, blogging to a nearly non-existent audience.  Which is okay, except that the picture of me blogging in Starbucks in real life includes all my flaws, whereas the writer of fabulous stories is free to remain gloriously incognito.  


I have a question to pose to what faithful readers I do have, however.  When you're reading, to you like to read a lot of description, or do you prefer a fast-moving story that leaves much to the imagination?  I find myself torn over this issue.  I want to write in a way that paints vivid pictures, but I don't want to ever put the brakes on my story long enough to describe things well.  The more I think about it, the more I realize I just need to make my descriptions creative enough to keep the reader totally engaged- and vivid enough to be breathtaking.  Which is hard to do... it requires more than the mere ability to put words together well.  You have to be able to think a certain way in order to write creatively, artistically- you have to be the kind of person who notices the little details and can make humorous or fictitious comparisons with them.


And that is where I find myself falling short.  While my imagination is fully functional when it comes to characters, places, and conversations, it has a hard time taking on the telling of those things in any other than a straightforward, completely UNimaginative way.  And while I like writing sentences that flow and crafting plot lines that play pleasantly with the human psyche, I don't like having to stop every few words to think about a really good comparison or totally unique adjective.  So.  That is my problem.  All you other aspiring writers out there should give me your opinions on the issue, because I am very easily inspired by your thoughts.  :-)

Married life and thoughts on Sunday's sermon

I would like to begin this first of all my married-woman posts by announcing that this blog is now officially six years old! I started this thing when I was just 15.  Which feels especially long ago now that I'm an old married woman.

Speaking of marriage...

We finally got the rest of the professional photos!  I would post some but the disk he gave us isn't really working right now.  But they will be forthcoming, I promise.  Our photographer was super rad (not really a me word, is it?) and gave us a disk and a release form so we can reproduce the pictures as much as we want.

I'm finding that married life is definitely my thing.  I love everything about it, from waking up in the morning and getting my husband out the door to cleaning the house while he's gone to experimenting with different recipes for dinner and finding ways to fill our quiet evenings together.  Of course it's not the most glamorous job in the world, and even the joy that initially came just from opening the cupboard and seeing it filled with pretty dishes is already beginning to wear off.  But that can't possibly take away from the simple satisfaction that goes with fulfilling a God-given calling day-in and day-out, which is not really something you have to be married to do- but I am finding it easier to do now that I love my job so much.

Yesterday we had an incredible sermon by Pastor Bart Carlson (aka Uncle Bart) about the phrase "Hallowed be Your name," which of course comes from the Lord's prayer.  It stirred me up to want to pray more, which is hard, but also to do more, which for me is much harder.  Part of that has to do with giving all the glory to God, which always seems like an ambiguous concept to me.  How exactly do I do that?  It seems whenever I think the words, "To God be the glory" my heart is still full of sinful pride, deep down.  But according to this sermon, the way to give all the glory to God is to constantly remember that you don't have anything which you haven't been given.

That is a truly humbling thought.  Here at home I am doing my very best to establish a homestead with my new husband, and sometimes, surprisingly, succeeding.  Even amid all the little spills, burns, lazy spells, breakdowns, squabbles, overspendatures and other mishaps that accompany life here at the Villa house, it's so easy for me to become puffed up and exhilarated whenever one meal or one cleaning day goes right- to think that I've finally done something really worthwhile. But honestly, what have I ever accomplished that wasn't first given to me, through training sessions with my mom, or supplies given to us as gifts, or a husband provided to me by none other than God himself?  Truly, I have done nothing that can honestly go to my credit- and I don't think there's a one of us who has.

It was a very convicting reminder.  Of course, doing more in the name of hallowing God's name goes much further than this one aspect- but I can't write blog posts all day.  :-)

I hope to start posting more soon.  And for all of you formerly avid bloggers who haven't posted in months, you should do the same!  Discussion question:  What's the most difficult thing you someday hope to accomplish?  There!  I challenge all of you.

forever love

Wow. I have not posted on this for quite a long time.



So, exciting news blog! I'm engaged.



And getting married one week from today.



My thoughts on this are too far and wide to really capture in a blog post. I just know that I've been learning a lot of lessons and experiencing a lot of joy and a lot of surprise and wonder as I realize what a real life, forever kind of relationship looks like. And I've been realizing exactly who I am, which is something I've been trying to realize since junior high.



So that is that. My happy beginning is just around the corner. From here on out this blog will most likely turn into a really boring montage on recipes, house decorating, and eventually stories about my kids that no one else will really find all that amusing. Somehow, I don't care. I've found my nitch, and I look forward to fulfilling all the little cliches.



Of course, I will always be me. I'll always be a romantic and always prefer fiction to reality, I'll always look at other people with my own secret amusements and delights- always have that streak of stubbornness that will keep me from becoming exactly as demure or housewifeish as perhaps I could be. It seems my imperfections are always the one thing I can't leave behind, even in this greatest of all changes. How blessed am I to have a guy who knows them and can not only overlook them, but help me to grow in them!



I think that's all. I will talk to you all again on the other side of this great divide- in the vast unknown of the future. How solemn, overwhelming and thrilling this all is! Ekk! :-)