na na na na-na-na naaa, na-na-na naaa, hey jude

I am so so so so so so sooooo restless right now. Probably having more to do with lack of sleep and caffine overdoes than anything else. But. I really need to learn to deal with restlessness in a practical way instead of roving all over the place looking for something that will make me feel content again.

So I'm writing this to re-focus my thoughts on the things that are really important. I don't do this enough, I'm sure.

I've been thinking: it's so important to fall in love with Jesus. As totally new-age and charasmatic as that sounds. If it's something I devote myself to enough, there is no way I can come away from thinking, writing, and reading about Jesus without being completely excited about him. This is the baby I kind of threw out with the bath water when I decided I agreed with my church's more dry philosophies on worship. I can't just understand things on an intelecutal level or go through motions on a practical level. I've got to "invest" myself in it, give pieces of myself to it every day until I am lost in it.

So I'm trying to ask myself the question, what is it about God that I love? I mean, other than everything.

First of all I think it's phenominal that he loves me. This is interesting because I'm a girl and I want to be loved more than anything else, and I have the tendency to love those who love me. And while that may seem like a very selfish reason to love someone on a human level, God says that this is exactly how it works in his kingdom. He is willing to love me just so that I will love him, and somehow that saves my soul. I think this is really cool.

Also I think it's cool that God is a God of TRUTH. I hate it when Christians get so wrapped up in being conservative good people that they can't consider the potential truth to totally oposite theories, like evolution or even something as radical as atheism. It seems to me that God wants us to view things as honestly as we can and hopefully, if we devote enough time and energy to finding the answers, no matter what persepective we are comming from, we will figure out that the Bible is right. And then even come to understand and agree with the reasons why we intupret the Bible in certain ways. He doesn't want us to put blinders on and accept everything we read or that pastors or reformed Christians say. I feel very liberal saying all of that, but I think it's mostly right.

So I think those two reasons are enough to start off with. God is incredible and because of that the whole world has incredible meaning and purpose. I love meaning and purpose. I'm happy if I have it even when my heart is breaking, I think.

If that makes ANY sense.

I got accepted into Pierce college, so I can finally go choose classes now! I hope I get into some kind of an English class. I really wonder what it will be like going back to school. I'll probably hate it. But. Just one more year and I'll have something to show for all this work.