Sometimes, I wish that I wasn't so restless and emotional. I wish I could just go through the motions of life calmly and pillow my head at night without having to untangle one day's worth of totally meaningless thoughts. Maybe someday I'll get there. But for now, I feel like such a worthlessly unproductive and empty person- too impatient, too torn, too foolish to actually accomplish anything of true value. I'm tired of empty days and sleepless nights because of the empty days, followed by the whole cycle on repeat. I feel stuck in a vortex, and no matter how hard I try to pretend like I'm moving I know I'm not. I also know God's got a plan and I probably won't be like this forever.
But right now, it's just plain exausting.
Well, Emily, you're alone in these feelings. When I look at all my sins, immaturity, and failures, it's downright exhausting and discouraging. Praise God that He is soveriegn and that He has committed Himself to complete the work that He has begun in each of us. Keep up the fight!
ReplyDeleteHahaha, I'm assuming you meant I'm NOT alone in these feelings. ;-) Thank you for your encouragement Julie, and you're right- this is the basic struggle that is at the heart of human existence. I love you!
ReplyDeleteOh, yeah! That one word changes things, doesn't it?! I love you too.
ReplyDeleteThat's so funny....when I read Julie's first comment I definitely read "you're not alone in these feelings." didn't even catch the typo!
ReplyDeleteTrust me my dear, this too will pass. It sounds like perhaps God is teaching you something about contentment. or patience. I don't know. but Julie is right, you're not alone. I applaud you for putting your feelings into words for others to see....it's strangely comforting just to see them expressed by someone else.
And I love you too!