I'm just a little big caught in the middle
life is a maze, and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
can't do it alone- I've tried
and I don't know why
slow it down
make it stop
or else my heart is going to pop
because it's too much
yeah it's alot
to be something I'm not
I'm a fool out of love
cuz I just can't get enough
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
can't do it alone- I've tried
and I don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared, but I don't show it
I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
and just enjoy the show
the sun is hot
in the sky
just like a giant spot light
the people follow the signs
and syncronize in time
it's a joke
nobody knows
they got a ticket to the show
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
life is a maze, and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
can't do it alone- I've tried
and I don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared, but I don't show it
I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go and just enjoy the show
oh just enjoy the show
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
can't do it alone- I've tried
and I don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out- it's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
and just enjoy the show
dum de dum, da dum di dum
just enjoy the show
la dum de dum, la da dum di dum
just enjoy the show
I want my money back
I want my money back
I want my money back
Just enjoy the show
I want my money back
I want my money back
I want my money back
just enjoy the show
Finally, a song that meets me where I'm at. Lately I almost don't even like listening to music because everything is either a love song or a whinny my-life-is-awful song, neither of which apply here. This song succeeds- and it has snaps in it, which is so 50's and totally gives today's handclap trend a run for it's money. :-)
On one hand I feel so incredibly blessed and happy about everything going on lately. Here I am in college, living a part of my life I've been dreaming about since forever, and it's actually even better than I imagined. Every day I see tons of amazing people and I get to go to school with my sister and cousin, both of whom are becoming such incredible people and I feel so privilaged to have them in my lives... especially Liz because we've never been close before. I'm learning about music and writing and I'm actually having to work hard to get what I want, which is something I'm very thankful for.
Also, and this is something incredibly hard to express, but I guess to put it simply I've got Christ. I know that if it wern't for that one factor I would be pretty unhappy with my life right now, but He really does provide such an incredible amount of strength and grace... I don't know how unbelievers do it! I feel like there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that can shake this incomprehensible joy that He plants in my heart. I look things in the eye now with a strength entierly outside of me... it's so mind blowing, so humbling to realize how absolutly little this has to do with anything I'm doing right or wrong! I guess these things have always been more or less true for me, but lately I feel in some way that God has swooped down to the very threshold of my existence- as though this is one of those points where there would be only one set of footsteps in the sand because He was carrying me rather than walking beside me. I really CAN'T do it alone, though I have tried.
On the other hand, as ridiculous as it is for there to even BE cons when Christ is among the pros, but I'm still human- I totally relate to the line I want my money back, right down to the humorous, slightly sarcastic tone of it. Looking back just a few years I was so excited to grow up and enjoy the show of life going on around me. Now I feel like it's all a big letdown in so many ways. Of course this all has to do with sin and the fact that the real treasure isn't in this world at all, but these things are still hard to get a handle on. It's amazing how much life promises for so little return, isn't it? Careers, hobies, good times, friendships, love- each one has turned out to be disapointing in one way or another. Sometimes I get so discouraged, like life isn't a show at all, it's more like a list of chores.
It's just, when you get down to it, people are so ridiculous, so ugly in some ways... though I know that's a terribly pesimistic way of looking at it. We're all just bags of skin filled with water and bones and such, we all just go about doing ordinary things most of the time. The quality of life is so uncomfortable, when we're stuck feeling first too hot and then too cold, too tired and then too restless, all the while having to go about our regular days regardless. Emotions themselves are a trick because they're just chemicals fiering according to predictable patterns in your brain... what good can they do anyone? And yet all I want is to FEEL something, I chase down those emotions as though they can give some power of meaning to the things I do. It's all very strange and I don't know if I'm making sense anymore, but that's the closest I can come.
In the end of the day, there's a sense in which we are also miraculously beautiful, all of us, in that we're different and we breathe in air and can be filled with joy at something as simple as sunshine or driving with the windows rolled down. I mean, how ridiculous is that? And even the manifestations of joy in our faces, our body language, the way we can use actual WORDS to make it evident- even the compulsive impulse to express ourselves in the first place- it's all so remarkable. There are newaunces to life that make it so compleatly worth it, even if they arn't quite the things I thought they were at first. So maybe there's some truth to the idea of just sitting back and enjoying the show. Just talking about these things, writing it out and seeing that I can sort of understand it, makes me want to keep going to see if I can understand whatever is around the next bend.
it's a joke
nobody knows
they got a ticket to the show
That was a great post emily. I like the song, but I haven't looked at the lyrics that closely. I am glad that you like college, and the people around you. (especially your cousin. I am partial to her) I am excited to go into Running Start, but you have inspired me to try and be happy just where I am, and embrace being 13. Something I struggle with a lot. So, thanks for the help.
ReplyDeleteI love you!!!!
Wow Katie, I don't know how you got all of that out of my rambling little post, but I'm really glad I could be of help! <3
ReplyDeleteMNM, dear, are you taking psychology? Because it sounds like you are. Because I am and you just stole a lot of thoughts out of my head to put into your blog post. But then, this is somewhat natural so maybe you aren't taking psychology. Maybe we really just are twins.
ReplyDelete"The real treasure isn't in this world at all." My first reaction to this is OMG-wow-insightful-deep. my second reaction is, duh! I knew that. I just needed Emily to put it clearly for me. And my third reaction is "drat it...sometimes living just sucks because we waste so much life looking for a treasure that isn't here."
On another note, what you say about emotions really intrigues me. I know there's this fine line between our emotions in our heart, and the thought processes....which we should allow to really be the influencers of our actions. I will probably have my own big fatty post on it soon. My good friend/worship leader Roger is teaching a Sunday school class about the heart right now that I'm in, so I've got a lot of thoughts floating around on this subject.
But I guess, in essence, while it is important that we think and don't just react, emotions are a massive part of who we are, and we are capable of some really grand and deep feelings that we shouldn't discount. God has given us an amazing capacity for emotional response and depth in our relationships, and it's our job to work on making our hearts as healthy as possible so we can realize that potential. Science can make robots that can actually think and even learn, but they can't create emotion. That's a God miracle that I think He has given us for a very special reason.
Like I said, post coming soon on my blog...that may not have made sense entirely since a lot of it's still in my head. But I don't think emotions are as dangerous or useless or harmful or inconvenient as we sometimes make them out to be. They can be bad, when we don't manage them or make an effort to understand them - and sometimes we have the wrong response (or no response) to something, and that shows an unhealthy heart (like getting mad at someone for no reason). But the emotions by themselves are not bad, and we can have an impact on our heart and our responses.
Ok. I just sabatoged your blog. I'm sorry.
:(
I'm going to go....do homework or something useful now. :P
Ah! I love that song!!
ReplyDeleteHow true it all is...wow. I don't know how the unbelievers do it either. I just LOVE when I can suddenly see things in a new light when I take time to sit back and think through my problems with the knowledge that God is up there and no matter what is going on in life, His will is being played out. Knowing that "All things work together for good to those who love the Lord" is always such a comforting fact... and when I can look back on life with that in mind, I can usually see how some things I despised played a part in the bigger picture and as a result things have worked out great. It's just amazing.
And I love being able to go onto friend's blogs and be reminded of that :-) great post, Em!
I want to hear about the wedding!!!
ReplyDelete