reaching for something in the distance, so close you can almost taste it...

Things I have been thinking about:

1. I wish people gave a little more respect to the president.

2. I complain too much. It's completely ridiculous. Never quite satisfied, I go groping for something to make me happy day in and day out, when really it should be so simple- work hard, follow God, love people, be joyful....

3. Does God love everybody?

4. Chior is AWESOME. We are one of two chiors and several soloists joining together with this big swelling orchestra to create the ultimate cheesy holiday masterpiece, the kind you expect to hear while shopping in downtown Seattle with colored lights everywhere as the snow starts to fall. I can't imagine anything more wonderful in the whole world.

5. Music makes me restless. If I don't listen to music, I can almost avoid feeling, which is awesome sometimes. But I wish I would choose the music instead.

6. The word "believe" refers to something that you actually do think is true. Not something that you like, not something that helps you feel connected to the world around you, not something that fufills you or makes you a better person. I thought this went without saying, but I keep running into people who say they believe or know someone who believes something they most certainly don't believe... they just practice these things religiously in some way shape or form. Does that make any sense?

7. Somewhat connected, I'm realizing that I don't really believe the things I say I believe as much as I'd like to. I believe them, meaning I'm more than 50% sure they are true, but I don't know if I believe anything 100%. There is this huge disconnect between what I say and the way I really think, and even more between the way I think and the way I act. I really want to change this. I want to read through the Bible as though I'd never seen it before and see what I find all on my own. Even though they wouldn't be the best opinions ever, nor the most well educated- at least they would be mine, and I wouldn't be taking things strictly on other people's authority.

And then a half-finished song that I don't think I'm ever going to finish.

if we had been astronauts
make-believe space robots
we'd know to blast out of here
Out in the atmosphere
in our own hemisphere
like earthlings we'd live on the moon

If we had a great balloon
We’d sail for Hook’s lagoon
fighting pirates like Pan on the sea
So young we could not grow up
with one thimble-full of luck
We’d hardly need pixie dust to fly

Far as the telescope can see
Under blanket forts
It’s make-believe
There’s nothing here that’s real
but I’ve got nowhere else to go
so come on
let’s pretend that we're invincible

And now I can delete all 12ish drafts sitting in my posts from the last month, haha.