fall is here, hear the yell

Like my new background? I'm thinking of changing it with the seasons... the changing of the weather has become this really big deal to me lately. Maybe it's part of growing older- the more you become used to the big things, the more you notice the little things- thus making them magical. Just stepping outside these days is thrilling because it smells like Christmas a little and like change. And right now, it also smells like pumpkin spiced lattes- something not to be taken forgranted!

Time for a quote of the day from my new favorite TV show Chuck, which for various reasons I actually like more than The Office and all the Disney Chanel shows combined. :-) It's like everything that I love in those shows without their various flaws. I'd given up hope that such a show existed, so I'm pretty happy. Anyway, the quote of the day is:

"We are, chronologically speaking, adults now." :-) But just chronologically speaking, right?

I usually spend a lot of time on this blog beating around the bush and trying to put ugly things in nice, vauge words so that they can become a meaningful lesson without drawing too much attention to the actual problem behind them. Today I'm not in the mood; not that I'm grumpy, just feeling straightforward and honest: I've been feeling incredibly down on myself lately. My new job at Hollister is not helpful with this- I am the only one there who doesn't look like I just stepped out of one of the posters on the walls, with every hair in place and flawless complexions and perfect bodies dressed in outfits that had to cost hundreds.

I'm not one to spend ages wallowing over my appearance- most of the time I'm too impatient even to blow dry my hair. I want to be healthy and strong, and while I wish that I was better at putting good things into my body, I've never cared about being model-thin.

So this has definitely made me think. And I'm determined not to let myself be sucked in by these lies anymore. The thing that has struck me the most is this: being beautiful comes with a big cost! Money is one thing- in this atmostphere, I've been seriously tempted to purchase jeans that cost more than my ipod did and shirts that serve the same purpose as the ones you'll find for a fourth of the cost across the street. At first I didn't get it, but now I do... it's all in the presentation, and the people who work and shop and model at Hollister are cooler than those who you'll find elsewhere. It's an uncomfortable feeling being at the bottom of that food chain, and the more time you spend in that setting, the more aware of your standing in the ladder you become.

But money isn't the only thing, it's also time and energy... not just while you're in front of the mirror in the morning, but all day long. People are so determined to maintain this illusion of beauty that is way beyond what actually exists underneath. This isn't a thought which was original to me, but it's a good one: what are these people going to do when that beauty starts to fade? Will they loose their identities? Will they scramble to win a loosing battle against time and nature? That sounds SO pathetic to me. If for that reason only, I'm not gonna play this game now... so that I can grow old with grace.

What it comes down to is this: the things you invest the most into will start to define you. This kind of applies to a lot of things. I've been investing too much time and energy into the wrong things lately, and suddenly when I realized some of those things were on sinking sand, I felt like I was sinking too. This is one lesson I learn over and over again, and always forget when I find something or someone other than God to lean on. Not sure how that applies, but it's a good point. :-P

I think there's got to be a ballance for this beauty issue, though. Because all my life I've been told that "it's not what's on the outside that matters," but that in and of it's self isn't enough. I feel like girls who hear that will go through their lives feeling like they're not beautiful, when in truth a lot of people ARE really beautiful even if they didn't step out of Hollister posters. And sure, there is a LOT more to life than being beautiful. But neither is it something we have to deny completely- if there IS an ultimate standard for esthetics based in God's character (and I think there is!), than each and every person is, fundamentally, beautiful- and we are called to rejoice in things that are lovely.

But I don't think beauty is what people think it is- it's not something you can take on and off (the Bible even says that), nor is it something entierly in the invisible attributes of a person. I think outer beauty is in what you were born with, when it is displayed with grace, confidence, and modesty. Does this make sense? I feel like I have a long way to go before I'll know how to be trully beautiful, but it's good to be reminded (constantly) that I'm shooting for something totally different from what the people at work are shooting for.

I feel like maybe I've been trying to hide behind all the finery lately, which is kind of ironic. Aren't those the things people use to get MORE attention? But the thing is, fancy clothes and makeup draw attention away from the person beneath- at least to an extent. The most beautiful people are those who aren't afraid to step away from that and let the real beauty they have shine through- this is why I LOVE Dove's beauty products, because they are all about natural beauty. I think we Christians have an important job in re-defining beautiful, and we're only hurting Christ's message by ignoring that. Thoughts?