We have a new reader around these parts. His name is Nathan Combs; some of you may remember him from his days at Emmanuel a loooong time ago. He now lives in California and he has a blog circle similar to ours except a bit smaller- I was thinking we could merge circles, perhaps. But I'll let you all negotiate arrangements with Nathan and his team members on your own. ;-)
Speaking of nerds (ops, did I say that? :-) I saw the first three X-man movies this weak and I'm completely in love with... *ahem* the movies. And Wolverine is pretty cool too. I feel a tiny flashback to my days of LOTR fandom in how much I liked those movies, especially the first two. It's kind of fun to be nerdy and stupid all over again. Does any one else share my sentiments here?
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
you keep comming back disasembled and I keep loosing this fight...
I think I know what I want my one word to be: Passionate.
I know I will never be the kind of person that can just live life, I will always be analizying and seeking meaning in every little thing. And I want to live to the fullest extent possible, but I'm not really sure what exactly it means to be passionate. I know that I have very very strong feelings about things, but it's got to be more than that...
It's so frusterating when you have in your head the perfect way for things to turn out, and it all seems so close and simple, but no one else is cooperating with your little plan. I don't understand why people do things like break up or change churches or move to the other side of the world... well, I do understand, but I wish so much it didn't happen. God is constantly asking me to surrender my dreams and accept his will, and I'm constantly trying to take them back which only causes more trouble for myself.
I just want it to be perfect. My childhood best friend is getting married in eleven days and at weddings people always seem perfect, like everything in their lives is for one tiny second all lined up and in place. Unfortunutly it never stays that way, and I can't stop crying about that fact.
Heaven has got to be wonderful.
I know I will never be the kind of person that can just live life, I will always be analizying and seeking meaning in every little thing. And I want to live to the fullest extent possible, but I'm not really sure what exactly it means to be passionate. I know that I have very very strong feelings about things, but it's got to be more than that...
It's so frusterating when you have in your head the perfect way for things to turn out, and it all seems so close and simple, but no one else is cooperating with your little plan. I don't understand why people do things like break up or change churches or move to the other side of the world... well, I do understand, but I wish so much it didn't happen. God is constantly asking me to surrender my dreams and accept his will, and I'm constantly trying to take them back which only causes more trouble for myself.
I just want it to be perfect. My childhood best friend is getting married in eleven days and at weddings people always seem perfect, like everything in their lives is for one tiny second all lined up and in place. Unfortunutly it never stays that way, and I can't stop crying about that fact.
Heaven has got to be wonderful.
Friday, May 15, 2009
if you get lost and loose yourself, what does it really mean?
I am on this new self-discovery kick.
I blame this on Christina because she is on a self-discovery kick, and while this may be pretty normal for think-too-hard-try-to-sound-smart-all-the-time me it's really unusual for sing-and-dance-your-way-through-life Christina. So it's a given that I would catch a more serious version of whatever it is that she has.
Suddenly it sounds really exciting to know who I am and what I'm good at and what I'm bad at and how this all fits into the big picture of my life. If I were a character in a book, how would I be potrayed? How do people perceive me when we first meet- how do my best friends think of me? If there was one word to sum up the essence of who I am, what would it be?
I've been doing that for my friends lately. Of course everyone will have a different take on any one person, but they probably fall in the same general direction. I see Beth as being romantic, my dad as patient, Christina as cheerful and Jacob as loyal, Lindy as artistic, Kacy as optimistic, Dan as knowledgable. Then there are people who are so intricate and complex they are impossible to pin down in one word- like Danny, Anna, and Michaela. There are also those about whom I just don't know enough to say.
And even within the people I think are very straight forward and easy to understand, there are layers and unexpected hills and mines, all steming from the same core identity. Beth may be romantic but I know she can also be remakrably cool-headed and practical, which may seem like the antithisis of romantic but they both fit together without conflict inside her personality. These things confuse me. I'm realizing that the years I've spent pigion-holeing people into personality groups were not helpful in enabling me to understand people. People are very, very complex. I'm not even totally sure it's safe for me to even make these statements about individuals.
Obviously people like knowing who they are though, as thousands of facebook and myspace quizes will testify. I think it's helpful when people tell me things about myself- I always think long and hard about what they say. The problem is we're usually too afraid of offending, or sometimes, we feel the truth would be too harsh to share. I think it's good to know, though. Otherwise we'd just get stuck in a rut and we'd never change at all.
Fictional characters are a very interesting reflection of the way we see people. First and formost they are always consistent with themselves. It's very inspiring. The brave girl is always brave and the timid sister is always timid.
When I'm writing up characters I usually have a very definite idea of what the essense of this character will be, but from that point there are SO many different directions I could take him/her. One girl who is supposed to be tough goes from being an emo with a broken heart to a major sports fanatic to a hip hop dancer to a Christian girl with bad social skills in the space of a few weeks, and I rotate between having her be pale and beautiful and super skinny to bouncy and freckled with currly hair without ever really noticing, to me she stays exactly the same in the way that I know her. It's when I try to nail her down as just one thing that I tend to get frusterated. And this is the same journey that I go on with myself, trying to figure out exactly who I am.
I'll let you know when I've got it completely figured out.
I blame this on Christina because she is on a self-discovery kick, and while this may be pretty normal for think-too-hard-try-to-sound-smart-all-the-time me it's really unusual for sing-and-dance-your-way-through-life Christina. So it's a given that I would catch a more serious version of whatever it is that she has.
Suddenly it sounds really exciting to know who I am and what I'm good at and what I'm bad at and how this all fits into the big picture of my life. If I were a character in a book, how would I be potrayed? How do people perceive me when we first meet- how do my best friends think of me? If there was one word to sum up the essence of who I am, what would it be?
I've been doing that for my friends lately. Of course everyone will have a different take on any one person, but they probably fall in the same general direction. I see Beth as being romantic, my dad as patient, Christina as cheerful and Jacob as loyal, Lindy as artistic, Kacy as optimistic, Dan as knowledgable. Then there are people who are so intricate and complex they are impossible to pin down in one word- like Danny, Anna, and Michaela. There are also those about whom I just don't know enough to say.
And even within the people I think are very straight forward and easy to understand, there are layers and unexpected hills and mines, all steming from the same core identity. Beth may be romantic but I know she can also be remakrably cool-headed and practical, which may seem like the antithisis of romantic but they both fit together without conflict inside her personality. These things confuse me. I'm realizing that the years I've spent pigion-holeing people into personality groups were not helpful in enabling me to understand people. People are very, very complex. I'm not even totally sure it's safe for me to even make these statements about individuals.
Obviously people like knowing who they are though, as thousands of facebook and myspace quizes will testify. I think it's helpful when people tell me things about myself- I always think long and hard about what they say. The problem is we're usually too afraid of offending, or sometimes, we feel the truth would be too harsh to share. I think it's good to know, though. Otherwise we'd just get stuck in a rut and we'd never change at all.
Fictional characters are a very interesting reflection of the way we see people. First and formost they are always consistent with themselves. It's very inspiring. The brave girl is always brave and the timid sister is always timid.
When I'm writing up characters I usually have a very definite idea of what the essense of this character will be, but from that point there are SO many different directions I could take him/her. One girl who is supposed to be tough goes from being an emo with a broken heart to a major sports fanatic to a hip hop dancer to a Christian girl with bad social skills in the space of a few weeks, and I rotate between having her be pale and beautiful and super skinny to bouncy and freckled with currly hair without ever really noticing, to me she stays exactly the same in the way that I know her. It's when I try to nail her down as just one thing that I tend to get frusterated. And this is the same journey that I go on with myself, trying to figure out exactly who I am.
I'll let you know when I've got it completely figured out.
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