Walk by the Spirit

"But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.  For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do."  Galatians 5:16-17

This is the memory verse that is next up to bat for me on my phones nifty scripture memory application.  Which means that I typed it in myself some weeks ago, though I don't remember what my thoughts were at the time.  When it came up on the screen Saturday morning, I was struck by how simple and yet how powerful of a message is contained in these two little verses.  At first glance, it seems to be a simple prohibition against living in the flesh- in other words, living for the here and now and satisfying the sinful desires of the natural man (or woman).  

But after looking at it again, I realize that the passage tells us not just what to do, but how to do it.  Which is awesome, because it answers to the promise in 1 Corinthians 10:13 - "There has no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted above that you are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that you may be able to bear it."  What is our way of escape?  Living by the Spirit.

What does this mean?  Matthew Henry says, "By the Spirit here may be meant either the Holy Spirit himself... or that gracious principle which he implants in the souls of His people and which lusts against the flesh."  

And how do we accomplish living by the Spirit?  Matthew Henry again: "The best antidote against the poison of sin is to walk in the Spirit, to be much in conversing with spiritual things, to mind the things of the soul, which is the spiritual part of man, more than those of the body, which is his carnal part, to commit ourselves to the guidance of the Word, wherein the Holy Spirit makes known the will of God concerning us, and in the way of our duty to act in a dependence on His aids and influences."

So basically we are to live in a spiritual state of mind all the time.  Christianity is not a on-again off-again thing- and it's not enough to have devotions once a day and go to church once a week, either.  If we are to live by the Spirit, we must zealously pursue spiritual things until our hearts are in it. We are to live in a constant state of dependence on God, which is the only way to really escape sin.  

It makes me think of a passage from Stepping Heavenward that talks about committing even the smallest of daily actions to God, as a way of checking that we stay within His will.  It seems this would also be a good way to keep from slipping into a worldly state of mind.  Of course, I don't mean, and I'm sure that Matthew Henry and Paul didn't mean, that we are to walk around with long faces and pray for hours a day. Rather we should live with a joyful awareness of God's presence and prayerful submission to His will at ALL times.  

I think of how often during a day I think of things I want to say to my husband.  Can you imagine if we set up fifteen minutes each morning to be our only talking time for the whole day? Our relationship would fall apart, and love would cease to grow between us with so little to go on!  How much more should I talk to God.  As hard as this goal is to accomplish, I can only the blessings that would come if I could ever learn to truly walk by the Spirit.

Sneak Peak

This month I have been incredibly blessed both by the things I've been learning and doing in school, and enough extra time to participate in NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month.  Here is a very short story I wrote for school using characters from my novel.  Constructive criticism is welcome!

            The day before my first audition finally came.  I felt as though I was walking on air.  Adam said this was a literal truth, as I practiced my kicks and jumps in the hallways at school. “I just hope I’ll never have to hear ‘Danced All Night’ again once this is finished,” he added, referring to the song I’d been working on with my voice teacher.  But then he smiled his one-sided smile and bumped his shoulder against mine.

            “I really do appreciate all the help and support,” I told him, slipping my hand into his as we headed towards the high school cafeteria.  “You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.”

            “I know,” Adam grinned.  He tried hard to come across as tough by keeping his red hair a tousled mess and delivering snarky one-liners at every opportunity.  But he ruined the effect by dating me.  I was a home grown country gal with honey-blonde hair and an addiction to vintage 50’s clothing. 

            After school, Adam dropped me off at the big blue farmhouse where my family and I had lived all my life.  I waved goodbye to him on the front porch, then paused to breathe in the scent of pine and growing things.  It was so beautiful here, with the expanse of sky overhead and the trees hemming us in on all sides.  It made me wonder why I so desperately craved the flashing lights and crowded rooms of stage life.  With that thought, a rush of nervousness for tomorrow washed over me.  There was only one cure for that kind of anxiety, and I knew exactly what it was.

            I turned and went inside, the screen door banging shut behind me.  Mom was in the kitchen, and I greeted her hurriedly before rushing up the narrow stair way to my attic bedroom.  The little room had a wooden ceiling that came to a point in the middle and was wall covered in blue and red wallpaper from my childhood.  I tossed my backpack on the bed and grabbed a bulging folder of CD’s from the window seat, flipping through them until I found one labeled “SONGS TO SING AND DANCE TO” in pink sharpie.  This I put into the boom box on the floor, plugging in my headphones and putting them on over my hair.

As the first couple of notes of a Mahalia Jackson gospel tune began to play, they had a kind of healing effect on me.  I picked up the CD player and drug it over to the vanity table where my makeup and cosmetics sat, tilting the mirror back so that I could see myself in the reflection.  I grabbed a bottle of hair spray to use as a make-shift microphone and began to sing into it, belting out each note with reckless abandon.  I didn’t care that it probably sounded terrible at first, I just sang to release the built up tension and excitement in me. 

After that it was a Disney love song, followed by a classic Kelly Clarkston don’t-mess-with-me tune.  As I sang, I played all the parts, from self-righteous gospel singer to Princess to empowered female pop star.  It wasn’t that I was acting; I was feeling through the music.  In the space of half an hour I traveled through time to many different parts of the world, and to some worlds that didn’t even exist.  And as I became those other girls, it was as though I could feel everything they felt.  Almost as though I was making up the words rather than reciting them from memory.

By the time the CD finally skidded to a halt, I was exhausted.  In the sudden silence that followed, I sank onto the stool in front of the vanity and looked at my flushed face.  It no longer seemed such a sacrifice to walk away from one cozy life in the woods.  On stage I could live countless lives and stories, and be countless different people.  Perhaps there were nobler callings, but this was the truest part of me.

            The next day Adam picked me up at ten o’clock and drove me to Federal Way for my audition. “I’ll be right here waiting for you,” he told me as we parted ways in the parking lot.  We were at a local High School, and the place seemed eerie without any students in it.  I followed the sound of a piano to the theatre, which was much bigger than our school’s auditorium.  The room was mostly black, with a spotlight on the stage.  I slid into the front row and waited for my turn to sing.

            “Allison Morris?” they called at last.

            “Here,” I squeaked, scrambling to my feet. 

            “You’re next,” said the director, a middle-aged woman with a striped scarf wrapped around her neck.

            I hurried up the steps to the stage and stepped into the spot light.

            They asked me what I was going to sing, and I answered while handing the sheet music to the pianist. 

            “Miss Morris,” asked the director, peering out at me from behind a desk set up in the center isle.  A small lamp lightered her face from below, casting odd shadows across her cheeks.  “Why do you want to play the roll of Eliza Doolittle?”

            “I don’t want to play anything,” I replied.  “I just want to BE her, for a little while.”

            “Very good,” she replied, smiling a little.  “Let’s see how you do.”

            The pianist began to play, and I opened my mouth and transformed.

Six Reasons Why

As I look out my window on this election morning, I see piles and piles of leaves blanketing the ground and a light fog hanging over the rooftops of this town.  It is a magical sight, and makes me think of waking up at my parent's house on Thanksgiving morning to the smell of cooking turkey and the sound of the parade on TV.  Every season of the year has it's magic, but none is greater than this.

And as I eagerly await the results of this election, more out of curiosity than any kind of strong hope one way or the other, my sluggish mind is trying to wrap its self around post-modern ideas about writing as presented in my online classes.  It's the last thing I want to be doing right now.  Falling asleep next to the space heater, reading some C.S. Lewis, or bundling up for a run in the crisp fall air sound far more appealing.  But I know that I'm learning a lot at this school, both by way of technical craft and by way of philosophy, if only by learning exactly what I am not.  So before I go back to competing with far greater minds than mine on the online discussion boards, I feel the need to establish very clearly why it is that I write.

I write to capture beauty.

Philippians 4:8 - "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy- meditate on these things."

I understand that life is not all sunshine and roses.  Indeed if it were, there would be no such thing as plot!  Grief, suffering, physical pain, emotional pain, and war all have their place in the tales of this world.  Writing about these things in order to make a point is all well and good, but I will not explore scenes of misery, death, decay, and disorder merely for the sake of exploring them.  There is always hope in this world, because Christ came to save sinners. I want to find the beauty in things and capture them in words, transporting readers to a world which is broken, but worth saving- just like ours.

I write to move people.
Words are powerful, and the right story can help us to deal with things that we have trouble facing in real life.  Emotions aren't everything, but they can also lead to actions, and if I can inspire just a few people to have more hope, faith, or joy in this life than I will be satisfied.

I write to show the triumph of good over evil.
It might be cliche, but I've read too many books and seen too many movies where the line between good and evil is blurred.  Main characters have serious character flaws, all in the name of realism, but they are excusable because of his ultimate triumph.  The bad guy is only a few shades darker than the hero, or perhaps in the end he was a better man all together. These are not the kinds of stories I want my children to grow up reading!  I wish more people would write stories about the knight in shinning armor, who struggles against the evil within him but ultimately does what is right.

I write for a healthy escape.
For now, the escape is for me, but maybe someday it will provide escape for others, too. I'm not one to bash social media, but I do think we live in a time where the temptation to waste time is paramount.  Engaging in stories keeps my mind sharp and imagination fresh, which is profitable in it's place.  It also helps to keep me sane in a world of to-do lists and endless engagements.  Too much reality isn't good for anyone!

I write to provoke thought.
Novels may not be the best forum for preaching, but they can be a sort of "trojan horse" to convey important ethical, moral, and Biblical lessons.  I hope not just to write fluff which tickles the fancy of the reader- I want to leave them with something to chew on.

And last but not least...

I write to reflect the glory of God.
Our God is a God of beauty, of creation, of imagination, and of stories.  The first and most fundamental plot structure is that of this world- created, fallen, redeemed, and one day, restored.  I recognize that there may be far more important tasks which God may have for me to do than writing stories, and I certainly don't think of this as a heavenly calling or anything like that.  But I believe it glorifies Him when His created beings exercise the creative capacity He gave us to create things that magnify His creation, His work, and His person. I hope that the things that I write will cause my own heart and the hearts of others to love Him more!

Goals

I know that you don't accomplish anything by making lists, but these are some things that have been on my mind lately and I want to see them all in one place.  These are not the super important things in life, but the little things that make a big difference in the end.

1.  Read everything.
Toss by 100th page if something isn't good.

2.  Collect books.
Even if I never read them again.

3.  Utilize minutes.
Examine priorities and consciously choose where my time will be spent.

4.  Love people.
Even if they don't deserve it. I certainly don't.

5.  Become curious.
Google things, ask questions. Learn about stuff I don't care about.

6.  Appreciate beauty.
I never notice sunsets or great views until someone points them out.

7.  Be creative.
Decorate, dress up, do arts and crafts.

8.  Save inspiration.
Cut things out and hang them up.  Keep a notebook to write stuff down.

9.  Stop obsessing...
Over organization and control.

10.  Make friends.
And keep the old ones.  I need to start picking up the phone and calling people.

The Future

As most of you already know, Danny and I have been agonizing on how to spend the next threeish years of our life.  He is going back to school and it will most likely take him three years to complete the Master's program at UW- three years of late nights, cramming for exams, and endless homework.  You also all know that I quit my job back in May and have been very contentedly playing the roll of homeaker ever since.  But there is no question that while being at home is very satisfying to me, I'm going to need more than cooking and cleaning to keep me occupied while Danny is busy with school.  For a while I considered going back to finish my AA, which I came close to finishing before getting married.  But the truth is, while I want to have a degree to my name, I have no interest in any of the classes I have left to take, and I'm not sure the AA degree would ever do anything for me anyway.

So I've been looking into plan B, which is a little more fun.  This plan involves me working towards some kind of program in Creative Writing, and hopefully obtaining some kind of certificate for doing so.  I don't want to do anything that would take too long or cost very much- but if possible I'm hoping to find somewhere that I could attend, preferably on-line, that would have the kind of credentials to stretch and grow me as a writer.  At first I was doubtful that such an oporotunity existed, but I'm learning that there are options out there.  I am very excited and also intimidated- I know that if I dedicate myself to this plan and allow my husband's hard-earned money to pay for it, I can't squander this opportunity.  It's time to get serious about writing.

This is not an easy decision to make, because it is rather make-it or break-it.  I have been writing a lot lately, and maybe some day I'll have a completed manuscript that I could actually send off to a publisher.  Maybe they'll like it, maybe they won't.  I know a lot of people who would be quick to point out that it's almost impossible to make any money in this field and I probably won't be able to support myself with this degree if anything ever happens to my husband.  Maybe that's true- but the thing is, I don't stay comited to very many things for any length of time.  My desire to write, and write novels specifically, has been growing rather than shrinking since I was probably ten or twelve years old.  While I know God can make me happy in a life without writing, I also know that He has given me some element of talent here and with some refining, maybe I could use these skills for His glory.

I'm trying to be realistic about what this really means.  I know that no class or degree is going to automatically launch me from an amateur into a professional, and in the end of the day it's just going to take hard work and endless practice.  For another thing, I'm learning that I can't let this hobby/interest define me.  Even if I end up having six babies and never having time to write another word, that's okay.  My identiy lies in Christ, and however He chooses to use me is fine with me.  Also, I've come to tearms with the fact that eventually people are going to have to read what I've writen, and they might not like it.  I can't make everybody happy, even among my closest friends and family.  And last but not least, I'm never going to write a New York Times Bestseller- because the things I am most passionate about are not the things people of this world want to read about.  Because of this, I've been learning to write for the love of it, not for any other reason.

By the way I've also been super inspired by my sister, who just self-published her second novel at the age of 15.  If she can do it, I can do it, right?  Ha, not a good assumption to make, but it's still inspiring!

So those are my plans for now.  It is in a sense the cliche leap of faith.  We'll see how God works and hopefully, this will not be a waste in the end!

Imagine that...

I recently read somewhere that it's really important to do something that you love every day, even if it's just for fifteen minutes.  And I thought- fifteen minutes.  I can do that, right?  The problem is deciding on what you love and locking into it, and learning to do it without hemming and hawing and hating whatever words end up on the page (in the random example that what you "love" is writing).  In the olden days when I used to journal and blog for pages and pages without stopping long enough to streach my fingers, I used to write a lot better than I do now, when I'm constantly pausing to edit and re-think and mostly delete everything and start over.  So here I am writing, as fast as I can, not worrying about what words roll off the ends of my fingers or wondering if they make any sense.

No- I won't even re-read what I've written.  I'm reading a book right now called Imagine- you may have seen it prominently displayed at Barns and Nobles lately.  I latched onto it because it has the prettiest cover you can imagine- seriously, as soon as I got it home (my husband surprised me by ordering it on Amazon- love him!) I cut it up and hung it on a collase above my desk.  But then I opened it and started reading and it is actually a really cool science book about the creative faculties of human beings.  Aside from a slight evolutionary slant, it seems to be very grounded in facts and very insightful.  The imagination is one of the hardest things for scientists to understand, but of course like everything else they are getting closer all the time.  So far they know that moments of inspiration usually come when you're least expecting them, such as in the shower or right after you wake up, and when you're very relaxed- not posed with fingers clenched over the keyboard trying desperately to be brilliant.  I suppose that's a no-brainer.

More surprising, however, is the truth that you often are more creative when you're distracted- such as at work or in a busy coffee shop where you THINK you can't think.  The truth is, when your brain is trying to generate new ideas, it needs to be fed random snippets of information such as sights, smell and sounds to keep it from becoming stagnant.  Also, the strain of having to work with some constraints (such as form, metere, rules, assignment restrictions, etc) actually produces far more creative output than the very popular idea of letting your brain go completely and spewing out whatever random thing comes to mind.

So as it turns out, our God of order created our minds to work best in the realm of order.  How cool is that?

Update

I know it's been forever since I posted and I don't really have readers anymore, but once my life slows down a little it is one of my desires to start weekly updates here about my (scratch that) OUR life to help keep in touch with all of you and keep records for furutre scrapbooking/journaling endevors.  In the mean time, here's a little bit of what we've been up to so far this year:

JANUARY

We had the honor of attending Jessica and Peter Schmitt's wedding in January.  Jessica is an old co-op friend of mine and our weddings had many similarities.  It was Danny's and my first wedding as newly weds, and by far the most enjoyable one we'd ever attended, because it brought back so many good memories! This picture came from a photo booth they had set up for the guests, which was a genious idea.

FEBRUARY

The day before Valentines day, we went skiing with several church friends and family.  It was my third time going and I think I finally got the hang of it.  We rode the slopes until they shut them down late that night, and finally crawled into bed at 2:00AM!  Needless to say we were okay with staying home and taking naps on Valentines day. 

ALSO...

I had the prividge of helping Mom Villa host a baby shower for Christina.  It's so weird how grown up we all are now!!

MARCH

We went to Florida!  Danny's family usually spends a month there every year, and we were privildeged to join them at the condo they were renting for ten whole days.  We had a great time soaking in the sun by the pool every morning and eating out at the world's most AMAZING resturants pretty much every evening.  (Such a drain on the budget, but worth it!)  I've never been anywhere like Florida before and it was quite an experience.  We also went to Arizon the weekend before, but I don't have any pictures of that so I'll have to post those later.

And last but not least...

Abigail Rose Pederson was born on March 23rd!!  The Pederson's are some of our closest friends and relatives.  We were in Florida at the time and couldn't wait to come home and meet her.  We went over to the Pederson's on the 27th and couldn't believe how tiny and adorable she is.  She actually looks a little bit like Danny according to some of the relatives.  I can't wait to watch this little girl grow up.

So that's a little peak into our year.  Tune in next time for more detailed updates on Florida and Arizona! 

It is exactly, at this moment, 1 hour and thirty-three minutes until the weekend.  I thought I was going to have to work tomorrow, but I just found out that I actually don't.  This knowledge has brought the sun bursting through my very rain-clouded mind, which opens up today to ENDLESS possibilities- such as caffine after 4 oclock or back-to-back movies.  I may even make smoothies with BOTH fruits and veggies in them- who knows.  All I can say is, I am very much looking forward to this long work week comming to an end.

And just to make the fairy tale complete, I see real daytime starlight streaming through the wherehouse doors. 

ENJOY YOUR WEEKEND EVERYONE!!!