As most of you already know, Danny and I have been agonizing on how to spend the next threeish years of our life. He is going back to school and it will most likely take him three years to complete the Master's program at UW- three years of late nights, cramming for exams, and endless homework. You also all know that I quit my job back in May and have been very contentedly playing the roll of homeaker ever since. But there is no question that while being at home is very satisfying to me, I'm going to need more than cooking and cleaning to keep me occupied while Danny is busy with school. For a while I considered going back to finish my AA, which I came close to finishing before getting married. But the truth is, while I want to have a degree to my name, I have no interest in any of the classes I have left to take, and I'm not sure the AA degree would ever do anything for me anyway.
So I've been looking into plan B, which is a little more fun. This plan involves me working towards some kind of program in Creative Writing, and hopefully obtaining some kind of certificate for doing so. I don't want to do anything that would take too long or cost very much- but if possible I'm hoping to find somewhere that I could attend, preferably on-line, that would have the kind of credentials to stretch and grow me as a writer. At first I was doubtful that such an oporotunity existed, but I'm learning that there are options out there. I am very excited and also intimidated- I know that if I dedicate myself to this plan and allow my husband's hard-earned money to pay for it, I can't squander this opportunity. It's time to get serious about writing.
This is not an easy decision to make, because it is rather make-it or break-it. I have been writing a lot lately, and maybe some day I'll have a completed manuscript that I could actually send off to a publisher. Maybe they'll like it, maybe they won't. I know a lot of people who would be quick to point out that it's almost impossible to make any money in this field and I probably won't be able to support myself with this degree if anything ever happens to my husband. Maybe that's true- but the thing is, I don't stay comited to very many things for any length of time. My desire to write, and write novels specifically, has been growing rather than shrinking since I was probably ten or twelve years old. While I know God can make me happy in a life without writing, I also know that He has given me some element of talent here and with some refining, maybe I could use these skills for His glory.
I'm trying to be realistic about what this really means. I know that no class or degree is going to automatically launch me from an amateur into a professional, and in the end of the day it's just going to take hard work and endless practice. For another thing, I'm learning that I can't let this hobby/interest define me. Even if I end up having six babies and never having time to write another word, that's okay. My identiy lies in Christ, and however He chooses to use me is fine with me. Also, I've come to tearms with the fact that eventually people are going to have to read what I've writen, and they might not like it. I can't make everybody happy, even among my closest friends and family. And last but not least, I'm never going to write a New York Times Bestseller- because the things I am most passionate about are not the things people of this world want to read about. Because of this, I've been learning to write for the love of it, not for any other reason.
By the way I've also been super inspired by my sister, who just self-published her second novel at the age of 15. If she can do it, I can do it, right? Ha, not a good assumption to make, but it's still inspiring!
So those are my plans for now. It is in a sense the cliche leap of faith. We'll see how God works and hopefully, this will not be a waste in the end!
