What a week this has been! There are two major things on my mind today, causing so many realizations and revelations that I don't know how I'll manage to capture them all. It seems God often works this way- bringing me though long stretches of desert land until suddenly I stumble into an oasis of learning and growing, although usually it doesn't feel quite like an oasis at first.
First of all, I spent the last three days working outside the home for an (albeit small) paycheck at a co-op function, providing childcare for nine two-and-three year olds. I'm not really sure what motivated me to take this position in the first place, except for maybe greed and selfish ambition, but in the end I'm very glad I did. I've never been so appreciative of what my husband does by going to work for eight hours every day, or so thankful for the ability to stay home with my children!
And it's not that it was a miserable experience- in fact it was quite liberating and empowering to realize that the skills I've picked up in the last two years of motherhood are actually marketable and also very valuable to moms and kids alike. But it was completely exhausting. And completely overwhelming coming home every day to find that the cheerios spilled on the floor at breakfast were still there, the beds still unmade, dinner unprepared, and laundry unwashed. Those of you moms who do work outside the home on a daily basis: my hat is off to you. I can hardly imaging having the kind of energy to keep up with it all!
As someone who has often struggled with the roll of Stay At Home Mom this was exactly the kind of reality check I needed. I recognize now that staying home with one's children is an incredible gift, both to give and to get. The children in my care for the last three days needed constant love and attention, constant affirmation and encouragement. And really what they wanted most was mommy, as expressed in loud, heartbreaking periods of sobbing throughout the day. (Happily all of the kids I watched are in homes where they do get to stay home with Mom most of the time!) I am so thankful that I have the opportunity to provide my children with a bubble of safe, affirming love and gentle direction while they are in these formative years. I'm so thankful that our lives are peaceful and not chaotic. I'm so thankful that I can focus 100% of my energies on guiding the formation of their characters while there is still time to do so. God has been good to us in this way.
Furthermore, this experience somehow brought me to the realization that childcare is difficult, dynamic, and high-skill level work. My helpers were all teenagers who had some level of experience in the childcare industry (even if it was just with their own siblings) and I was astounded at the knowledge and aptitude they demonstrated. Truthfully some of them were more competent than I was. It made me realize that not everyone knows what to do when a child falls and gets hurt, or starts choking, or has a completely emotional breakdown- but I do, because I'm a mother. A robot could not do my job for me, nor is there anything mundane, superficial or demeaning about this work. It is an encouraging thought for me.
I recognize that not all mothers have the opportunity to stay home, and I certainly don't think it's sinful for women to work outside the home. I know God will provide for each family and each child in His own perfect way, and there's no one-size-fits-all plan for family management. I'm just saying this is the best way for us, and I dare even say it's probably the best way for most families, as long as finances allow.
Well, my time is gone and I didn't even get to talking about the Proverbs 31 study I've been doing with Good Morning Girls this week. Perhaps I'll come back to that tomorrow. But today thankfulness will be my mantra as I go about catching up on laundry, bills, and cleaning. It might be exhausting work but it's oh so worth having a cozy, unhurried home to enjoy with my family this evening!
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